Thinking 'Bout Your Face
by SparkIntoAFlame
Summary: It's been so long since Bucky saw him. Stucky, song!fic based on Clouds by BØRNS one-shot


**Based on:** _ **Clouds**_ **by BØRNS**

 ****slightly non-canon: everyone compromises on the Accords and Team Cap doesn't have to go into hiding in this one****

xxx

He was the Winter Soldier.

A cruel, merciless killer, who knew nothing but following orders.

He killed without discretion, never remembering who it was or what he did or why he did it. No, he knew why. It was because the orders said to kill that person, and so that's what he had to do.

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There was one nagging little thought, a picture, in the back of his mind, like an itch that's just out of reach. Sometimes, it was louder, or however an image can become louder. A man, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. An angular face that could only be described, in his opinion, as beautiful.

And in those moments, with those fleeting glimpses of that face, he was no longer the Winter Soldier.

He was James Buchnan Barnes.

Bucky.

xx

Steve had taken to drinking himself into oblivion on those nights. The nights where he could think of nothing but the scream when fingers slipped off a narrow, icy ledge and a body fell hundreds, thousands of feet to the bottom of a ravine.

At least he knew Bucky was alive now. Or as alive as he could be when his mind was controlled and his thoughts weren't his anymore.

Sometimes Tony found him. Or Sam. Or Natasha. Sometimes they would take the drink out of his limp hand and put an arm around his shaking shoulders. Other times they would grab a bottle and join right in, drinking until one of them (usually Steve) passed out and the other would take them to their room.

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It didn't help that Bucky's face was in his head the entire time. Somehow, that was the one thought that the drinks didn't wash away. Brown hair that Steve _swore_ he could still feel between his fingers, as if they were still lying in bed on a lazy Sunday forehead that Steve could remember kissing. Blue eyes that Steve could feel staring into his soul even as a memory.

xx

Bucky wasn't sure if he was pissed or relieved to find Steve sitting on a stool in the kitchen, a glass of whiskey clutched loosely in his hand - right were Natasha said he'd be. Alone. Bucky crossed the room in three strides and pulled up a seat next to Steve, purposely scraping it along the floor loudly. Steve didn't move. He barely flinched when Bucky gently pulled the glass out of his hand and left it on the counter in front of him.

"Steve," Bucky breathed lightly. "Steve, darling, it's me."

The last four words finally garnered a reaction out of Steve and he looked up at Bucky with bloodshot eyes.

"Buck," he rasped, reaching a shaking hand towards Bucky's face. "Bucky."

"Yeah, that's me." Bucky smiled softly and Steve's hand rested on his cheek. "I'm real, baby."

Steve made a choking sound and he surged forward to fling his arms around Bucky and bury his face in Bucky's neck.

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"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Steve sobbed. "I let you fall, I'm so sorry, Bucky, I'm so sor-"

"Shh, darling, Steve, it's okay, baby don't worry." Bucky rubbed circles onto Steve's back as he spoke. "You didn't let me fall, you didn't."

Bucky continued whispering reassurances into Steve's ear until his sobs reduced to gentle hiccups. Steve pulled back, his face blotchy and tear-stained, and finally took Bucky in.

"It's...been so damn long, Bucky," Steve half-whimpered.

"I know." And there was no more Bucky could say, was there? Except, maybe - "I never forgot you."

Steve raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"When I was...y'know, the Winter Soldier. I never forgot you. You were like this-this _bug_ in the back of my mind, and you were never gone, not really," Bucky blurted. "You were always _there_."

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Steve sighed and brushed away a tear that had started making its way down Bucky's cheek. "What a mess we are, huh, Buck?"

Bucky wrapped his legs around Steve's waist and pressed his lips to Steve's.

"I love it. I love you."

 **Hey, I had to take out the lyrics because apparently that's not allowed? I was unaware of this, as I've seen fanfics with lyrics still there, but slightly altered. Just look at the lyrics to Clouds and this story will make some more sense. You don't really need them though.**


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